prestently listening to:

intentions to:

soberity level:

i ate chinese food today for dinner. it was good, but now i'm very full. when i am this full i get sleepy. this is a pretty good metaphor to why it is that i am never happy for very long. if your all full with contentment, you get sleepy and detail slips past you all the time. when i am in love, i am very content, my life kind of drifts by without too many distractions. its kinda of like being stoned, being in love/being content. you get this sort of haze over your brain and lots of things go unoticed, you get sleepy. but as we all know, unless you relax yourself to comatoase, you have to wake-up. and what an ugly wake-up it always is. all of a sudden you realize you neglected your friends beyond the point of recognition. when you call, they no longer know your voice. if you see them on the road and you honk, they'll flip you off. but aww, that blissful feeling of being full, be it chinese food, love or drugs. not a care till reality jolts you back to your pathetic exsistance amongst many other mindless foes and cloud walking nonparticipants.

so then, i shall enjoy this numbness now and later reek the benefits of the cloudless reality i am to face in mere hours. what benifits you ask? when less content you see the dity, the grotesque, harsh, and cold. whats so great about those things? they let you know your still living breathing and fighting as hard as you can to escape the draining intricacies and blinding complications of reality. we all have to fight, to live for that next fix. just one more hour of work. one more hour of sour faces uncomfortable glares and brain washing instructions. 59 more mintues till then next release, be it his smile in my direction or a fatty i accidentally ash on myself as the smoke stung my eyes. aww yes, then contentment will overwhelm me once again. my outstanding traffic citations, irratated boss and unrulely roots will no longer matter to me till tomorrows sobering lonely morning.