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and it's hard to hold a candle |
2002-09-25 - 8:30 a.m. black moods prestently listening to: intentions to: soberity level: wow. lets hear it for manic depressives! my gawd. i have to stop and wonder; to what degree did my ectasy use effect my over all depression? i was never a very happy kid. i'm not in general a happy person really. but these extremes i go through... what have i done to myself? the worst part of all of this is that i am aware of how fucking crazy i really am. this is frustrating to know. i can see on coming lows, but i can't control them. when i get stuck in that horrible hole, like yesterday, i know i'm being mellow dramatic. i just spent a fabulous weekend in santa barbra with people i love, what tweaked me? who knows. thats what makes me crazy. what matters is that i'm better today. and that migraine i've had for the past 48 hrs went away, thank gawd! i think this diary is really important in figuring out how to beat those black moods (as i like to call them) i get in. well then, i'll have to continue my SB trilogy... |
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in the cold November rain |