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and it's hard to hold a candle
2002-10-01 - 8:10 a.m.
What my parents have made me by default

prestently listening to:

intentions to:

soberity level:

Mom says- �Do what you may, just don�t hurt anybody and don�t ever bring it home. Know I�m here if you ever need me as long as you treat me, and yourself, with respect. Never forget to except, forgive and help care for those who don�t care for themselves. Trust your gut feeling.�

Dad says- �You play by my rules with me. You work hard and I�ll be proud then ask you to work harder. I may not know you, I may not like you, but I do love you. Do as much as you can for everyone else. Family comes first, but keep your enemies damn close. Trust no one but yourself.�

My Mom is ruled by feeling. She works hard and is content with the life she lives. She wants better but is not obsessed with it. She�s grateful for what she has and she�s proud. She sees people for who they are, not what they�re wearing. Her children come first and even though there aren�t perfect she�ll fight tooth and nail to protect them. People like her because she is real. My mom asks that you work hard at what ever you do and she�ll be proud regardless of the outcome.

I am down to earth. I relate well to people because I can tell the truth and I can take the truth. People may hurt me, but I always forgive them because I�ll have learned something this way. I bottle up my feelings but I never disregard them. I look different because my appearance would be deceiving otherwise. I�ve come close to the edge and had no desire to go over it. I�ll take care of you till I really believe you�re not worth my efforts. I listen, I care and I mean it. Even if you spit at me I�ll help you up when you are down if you ask for my help. The rules I make are to protect myself, and all that is valuable to me. I�ll fight to my death for things I believe in and to protect those I love. I allow people to hurt and use me.

Thanks Mom.

My Dad is ruled by standards. Appearance, grades, jobs, relationships, everything has a standard or rule or guideline. All looks good to visitors always. He works hard to keep everyone happy. My Dad is a pleaser. He likes things to be good when he cares, but he won�t tell you when that might be. My Dad easily distracted. He neglects what matters most to him, his family, to please everyone else. He�ll fight tooth and nail for his kids even if he thinks they�re wrong.

I�m seemingly optimistic and hide feelings well from even those who know me best. I�ll do almost anything for almost anyone. I spread myself so thin that I break down biannually. I work very hard. I try and make everyone happy but tend to neglect those I love the most. I�ll never be satisfied with what I have accomplished. I�ll always want better for me and everyone around me. I can the play social games that rule our world. I can blend, I can pretend and I can do it all with a smile even when there�s nothing left of me. I am educated and you�ll know if you talk to me, I won�t let you forget. I am always suspicious, without being rude. I have a problem finishing what I start.

Thanks Dad.

I am a leader reserved and strong to my opponent, kind and listening to my people.

It�s hard for me to ask for help, to let people in, and to except defeat.

I set standards for myself, for my life and never for anyone else.

I am driven, regretful, grateful, loved and loving.

I am my parents, their quarks, their appeal and then some.

All these things my parents have instilled in me, mostly by default. No one ever really knows what they�re doing when they have kids. My parents did a pretty decent job with me if I do say so myself. I was lucky enough to have grown�up without any heavy cultural boundaries and from this I am more aware and excepting of the ones I come across. In a country with so few excepted guidelines all a parent can do is their best to raise a decent member of society that is open and excepting of differences.

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in the cold November rain