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and it's hard to hold a candle
Thursday, Oct. 10, 2002 - 12:33 am
"least typical drug users"

prestently listening to:

intentions to:

soberity level:

tonight i went to a show at Slim's in San Fransico. Madcap, Catch22, HomeGrown and Mest played. it was a kick ass show.

i went with greg, julian & 2 of julian's friends, alesandro & matt. it was the first time in three weeks i'd see greg. i only SAW him for about 3 mins total. we drove seperate cars, and i stayed in the pit most the night.

after the show, i drove Matt home. on the ride i was asking him about kids that used to go to the youth center that now attended the same high school as him self. he went on to tell me about the growing popularity of crystal meth. he mentioned some names that were too familiar to me. a family friends only son just droped out of high school and is useing. a girl that i was relatively close with at the y.c., 15 now, just got cought trying to commit suicide after going into hysterics when someone broke her crack pipe.

i live in an upper middle class, white, PTA enriched neighborhood. this is a place to retire. this is a place to raise your kids. this is a place you can let your kids ride thier bikes home from friends houses after dark. this is a place of rich parents that push their kids out the door with a wad of cash so they can go about hosting thier cocktail parties.

there are no ghettos in San Carlos. there might be all of two, ritzy, apartment buildings in the whole damned town. but we are loseing our kids to drugs. meth?

OUR kids. the "least typical drug users" in our nations society.

MY kids. i watched these kids grow a foot taller in two years time working at the youth center.

Jade tried to kill herself the other day. Jade asked me to attend a volleyball game of hers once, i went and she was thrilled. Jade asked me for advice on boys and cried to me about family issues. Jade is a wonderful, beautiful and talented young lady. Jade is the crack whore teenager adults gawk and huff at when they pass her sitting outside the grocery store now.

can you remember when life seemed so dark for you? can you remember not being able to look towards tomorrow? can you remember when there was nothing but you and your problems? can you remember when death was romanticized, when it look like the only escape from this pain you felt everyday? we've all been there wether in adolesense or adulthood. times that by 100 for kids whom are thought to be given everything. imagine, your aware of your ungratefulness as well as feeling ashamed, confused, scared, and lonley.

at risk teen aren't only in the ghettos of America. thier in Your neighborhood, YOUR family.

Gawd help us.

tonight, this tear is for my children. my kids. they looked to me for advice, example and guidance. tonight they smoke, swallow and slice because i couldn't be enough. because thier parents weren't enough either.

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in the cold November rain