prestently listening to:the donnas-"take it off"

intentions to: puke? naw, go to bed

soberity level: i'm a gym junkie tonight. no drugs. no cigarettes. no booze.

i just came home. i went to the gym this morning and when i came home after work and had nothing (interesting) to do, i went back to the gym. its sick really. going to a gym twice in one day. just sick.

it wasn't my idea. i was bored so i called david and he was headed there. he convinced me to go only after he promised we'd sit in the hot tub there afterwards.

the hot tub is in this horribly lit room, ya know, the kind of lighting that makes you look sick. i was scarred for life in this perticular hot tub now that i think about it. it was the first time micha and i ever 'hooked-up'. we were all at "Popsickle" this massive rave at the bill graham civic center in San Fran. we were fucked up as shit that night! wow! wow. anyway, after the party we went to 24HourFitnes to sit in the 13 person hot tub. one of the dudes we were rollin with worked at the club so he knew the night staff so we could all get in.

anyone whos ever REALLY been to a rave knows that reguarless of what precautions you take, your gonna look like crap comin out. so here i was, self conscious me, in a bikini, in the worlds most unflattering light EVER sitting in a hot tub with this fine ass peice of man i was all over just an hour before. also, coming down offa that 'e', i was on the end of every nerve i owned.

it all turned out ok, don't fret. we ended up making-out all that night. (even though i'd looked like a zombie in the hot tub room. it wasn't love, but it was somthin) in fact, we made-out my last visit to SB.

thats the rad thing about micha. we always know we want each other so badly it almost kills, yet we've never really taken it past making-out. the joys and lack of sexual pressures of making-out with boys who have girl friends.

i know what your thinking, but your wrong...i'm not a bad person for making-out with him all these years. his g/f lives in New York and they have this agreement. and, quite nobely, when he broke this agreement, he very respectfully explained why we couldn't see eachother. the agreement was this, pretty much, -do what you will, don't tell me about it, but if its more than just a fling your cheating on me-

so, when micha and i started to grow really fond of eathother outside of purely super sexually charged groeping, he explained he had real genuine feelings for me so we must terminate the realationship.

that was a year and a half ago. i don't know what in the hell is going on today.

point being? who the fuck cares. i feel like shit. dave and i went to TacosElGuense in the barrio and i scarfed two sopes in recond time. i still haven't managed to curve those crazy attacks of potien craving. i ate so fast, man. if i agreed with the idea of throwing up food you willing put down your throat in the first place, i'd gag 'n puke right now.

lil random tonight. huh.....nope...not surprised.