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and it's hard to hold a candle
Thursday, Jan. 23, 2003 - 10:40 pm
insight for my secret admired reader

prestently listening to:

intentions to:

soberity level:

campione~

eat your hat my friend, i'm not as dumb as i look. resourceful, yes.

perhaps it is this desperation that motivates such colorful writing because it is always easier to write when you feel alone. otherwise you'd be interacting on a personal level some where else, right? it shouldn't be this way. if we were all comfortable with being happy there be a plethra of 'feel good' reading to do. but then, i know i read to escape my own life, mostly when i'm unhappy. and who wants to read someone else's joy in their own state of solitude? i enjoy reading misery because, lets face it, Misery does in fact love company.

but yes, these days Misery, friend and foe to me, is long lost. and i am far from complaining. i am, happy. its taken me my entire life to be happy for myself and i'm basking in this glow morning noon and night. my guts tell me this is only the beginning of years to come and i welcome this new life with open arms. cast off the shakles of someone else's standards of living, realize *all your doubts are someone else's poin of view*, take a deep breath and dive into life for what ever its worth to you and only you. time is only wasted when you don't learn from your experiences and there is always SOMETHING to be gained from every misfortune. (a creed i'm slowing trying to adopt) its easy to preach when you feel closer to heaven, God or any of those other made up entities. we all create our own heaven and hell everyday, it's true. today, the angels sing...oh, thats just my stero...and its just the same to me. perhaps soon the dark clouds won't have the silvery lining they do today. maybe soon the cold won't seem such a woderful reason to bundle up and be close but a plague that lingers as even time seems to slow in the fridged air. but, not now, not for me.

though i'm not always sure where your suport comes from, i thank you. its my hell to quetion kind words and thoughts from a stranger that makes me think. i'd like to assume you write to me because you understand my writing, rambling, or what have you. i'm not asking for any explanation or clarification of your intentions. the mistery is very intriging. at best, i hope you're entertained.your words are taken with much consideration.

~k

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in the cold November rain