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and it's hard to hold a candle
Sunday, Mar. 23, 2003 - 11:19 am
the edge

prestently listening to:8 mile the movie

intentions to: color Stacey's hair

soberity level: i don't wanna talk about it

so...i was supost to go celebrate St. Ps day with BP and his possie in SJ. however, i wasn't feeling the bar crawl yesterday so when i heard Big E was in town i told him i'd rave it up old school style with him. turnsout i wasn't feeling paying to get into a rave in SF either, so i bailed...after much bitching with Big E. i wasn't feeling much at all yesterday. the blah was creeping in on thursday and it just settled Saturday. i hated being like that. BP and i talked about it a lil and i felt better not making him worry like i was trippin on him.

i went up to see SF in SF and he told me all about his new found love. hes in love! steve can't stand ANYONE for very long, espeacially if hes makingout with them. that was fun.

i called BP before i fell aslepp, like he'd asked me to. he was fuct up. i couldn't understand half of what he said and mostly he was talking about how he couldn't stand up. it really grossed me out. i'm not entirely sure why, but i was actually discusted. don't get me wrong, i heart drinking, but he gets sooo ridiculously drunk! maybe i'm just jealous cause i'll barf before i get that wasted, but man. he promised he call me when he got home safe, but i'll bet he doesn't remember talking to me.

i'm thinking very seriously about the edge these days. my love of being high is fading as fast as the actual high does. and drinking i'm afraid is looking less and less appealing everytime i end up being the DD out of common respect for my life and the lives of whom i'm drinking with. i dunno. i'm not claiming shit, ever. but i'm looking into being very clean.

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in the cold November rain