prestently listening to:

intentions to:

soberity level:

i don't want to talk to you right now. i'm doing much better lying to myself, lying to everyone else. i can't lie to you. i don't want your comfort, i'm too proud right now. i can't see you cause i need you comfort more than ever. i'm sorry if this hurts you. its hard to apologize for hurt i've sent when i'm broken myself.

please understand this will pass and i have to do it alone. cause really, no one has anyone else. we're all alone anyway. no point in finding comfort in the breast of a bird thats sure to fly away soon enough.

if one of my own has no faith in me, no pride, and only doubts my acheivments thus far, i don't see what hope i have of prooving myself to anyone else.

the very thing that keeps me real, my individuality can be mocked till my eyes bleed, but that does leave a mark where it counts. but to be chastized for my achievments because i am an individual breaks my heart coming from a man i've looked to as a model of "good".

i would love nothing more than to go on completely unaffected by this atrosity, and so i will appear to do. but it hurts, and i can't hide that from you. i can't hide anything from you. i don't want to admit it, so i avoid the truth, i avoid myself and i avoid you.