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and it's hard to hold a candle
Tuesday, Sept. 09, 2003 - 12:39 pm
valium

prestently listening to:peoples court on tv

intentions to: go to work

soberity level: brocoli

heloo, its i, the hollowed empty cold shell of what was once, a warm spirit.

not.

i've always been depressing and mellow dramatic. who am i kidding? all the same, i'm back to complain about, me.

so, i've been plagued with this sense that i'm fucking shit up with bp. i keep thinking myself too little. not pretty enough, not put together. why?

theory 1- i realize that i'm waay in love with him and i'm scared i'm not good enough

theory 2- i'm bored, i'm creating a challenge because there isn't one any more

theory 3- i.fuck.up.shit.when.things.are.going.well.for.me

well, what is it? maybe i'm just way to dependent apon him, emotionally. maybe we should be apart more often.

i don't fucking know.

any suggestions?

i think i needa valium

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in the cold November rain