prestently listening to:

intentions to:

soberity level:

Micah-

oh micah. don't tell anyone, but, i used to keep a diary of nothing but letters, dreams, wirds and thoughts just for him. it still exsists, but it hasn't been writen in for 11955 days. i can't figure out how to erase it.

i love micah. i really do. he'll always have a piece of my heart. its like, we'll never get it together in this lifetime, never...but maybe in the next.

i was so happy to see him thursday night. i missed his smiling eyes. we jumped up at each others sight and embraced. he kissed my cheek. (i know that shouldn't make me sad, but it reminded me of how it was once, and will never be again) we sat outside, with me on his lap and i asked about his summer, and about lauren (his live-in g/f now back in NY) "i don't want to talk about that, i want to talk about you, i missed you..."

he was being flirty as all hell that night, we always are. but, it was different, he was jealous. he knew yoric and i were looking forward to seeing each other and it ate at him, it was obvious. (girls pick up on this kinda crap) i'm not trying to flatter myself. it was in his tone when i asked where yoric was, it was in the vulgarity used in his answers.

yoric showed up while i was still perched in his lap. yoric and i chatted outside exchanging prolonged glances and excited smiles. and with every step towards more intimate conversation, micah would interupt. be it with a playful punch, a infamous micah yelp or just verbal distraction.

just before i left on a beer run with the boys, micah was in the hallway waiting for the bathroom, "C'mere. i want to talk to you..." as he held me by the waist firmly and pulled me close against him. he tried to kiss me, just touched my lips and i pulled away. "you can't do this micah. you can't do this to me. not a hundred times."

just then byran, yoric's roomate came out of the bathroom as bret came out of erik's room. this on set of camotion allowed me to break free of his grasp and i turned to bret, "lets go"

Micah left standing there with his arms still out looked at me curiously. i apologized as i turned the corner to the living room, turned back around, kist him gently on the cheek and was out of there.

it only took a minute or two to shake it off. alcohol is wonderful like that. i didn't see micah for the rest of the night, but he called me as he was walking home to say good night. the next day i tried to hangout with him, but it turned out to be a one sided want to hang out. friday night his brother dda (<-- deffinetly not how you spell that guys name. pronounced 'D''D''A'. its french) came to party. this kid looks like a swoll 25 year old and hes 18. it was nice seeing him. i have this tremendous amount or love for that family, call me crazy. anyway, micah pulled me aside and thanked me, "you did the right thing, i'm sorry"

i didn't say good bye that night either. hes a slippery kid. that was the last time i saw him that weekend. i was suposedly going to a rave with them saturday night, but micah conviently left without me.

i'll never understand that kid. maybe its best that way. but all the same i love him to death, and it makes me sad that we can't be close without makeing-out.