prestently listening to:that new cold play song "lights go down blah blah blah"

intentions to: do some homework

soberity level: i'm burtout

so, i don't ever update these days. more than anything else, the risk of this being found and, exploited. i'm not flattering myself, these nothing spectacular in here, really. i just keep thinking that people will read my entries and misunderstand me, or what i meant.

whatever.

lets see, lets see. my dad thinks that i'm doing drugs and other such things. he says i'm unhappy and its unhealthy. this is funny to me because the last couple of months have been the happiest i have ever been. really, i can't ever remeber being so happy. i'm gettin my shit done. i'm in school, i love my job. i'm closer to both my parents than i have been for too long. i'm hanging out with my siblings. i stopped all my drug use, pretty much.

there was a couple of years there where i really was a mess. i was a total bitch all the time. no i take that back, i was either a total bitch or hysterically crying all the time. wow. that sucked. i was going to high school from 7-11, college from 12-4, worked 5-9. i was doing all this without a car and tons of drugs on the weekends. no wonder i was a total bitch. lets not leave out that i got kicked out of the house i was raised in and my boyfriend was sleeping around.

oh, but not today. today is now. all i need now is to focus my career and move the fuck out. my sister wants to move inton my moms house with us. this would mean i'd be sharing my room and dismissing my 'private' life. hmm. twice this week BP mentioned his friend adam asking when him and i were moving in together. both times we were drunk and he followed with a response like "hey adam, slow down, let me atleast call her and ask?" or somthing silly like that. i've been pondering the meaning of this story. if he was particularly against the idea, i don't think he'd have shared the story. likewise, i'd be presumtious in thinking this was some sort of food for thought being. fed to me on purpose. i dunno. all i know is he makes it next to impossible to get up in the mornings.

and i love it.

i'd love to update more often, but really...all i like to write is the things i think about during my day. and lately thats not much other than school and BP. you can imagine how boring that'd be to read.

i'm at some major turning point in my career life. the oppurtuity to work in hair and make-up is screaming in my face. i'm loving my job here with the kids more than ever. what to do.

homework.